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There is a struggle going on between companies who want their office workers back in the office, and office workers who would rather quit than return.

This is happening even in companies like Apple where its circular corporate headquarters, known as , was designed as a transparent, circular Nirvana of serendipitous personal interactions:

“The ring’s exterior is made up of 36 to 47-foot long, curved, glass panels, resulting in an open, seamless panoramic view of the outdoor landscape. In fact, Apple park was designed to be as open as possible in order to encourage the free flow of ideas through chance meetings between employees,” as the promotional video describes it.

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It鈥檚 more like the Afterlife than a job 鈥� and yet even Apple workers are protesting!

Why would this be?

Well, I overheard a conversation at my gym that might explain what鈥檚 going on. It had to do with people who behave like 鈥� and I don鈥檛 like crude language, so I鈥檒l censor myself 鈥� but it had to do with people who behave like [expletive].

The great thing about gym conversations is that they tend to occur in the nude, so social status is not immediately apparent, and people tend to be more open. So, naked guy number one says: 鈥淟ife is too short to work with [expletive].鈥� And then naked guy number two says: 鈥淚 agree and I鈥檝e been one of those [expletive] and even聽I don鈥檛 wanna work with [expletive].鈥�

A brief conversation, but it teaches us that even [expletive] know they鈥檙e [expletive], and either can鈥檛 or won鈥檛 do anything about it.

And even if your office is a light-filled Nirvana, one [expletive] can still ruin your free lunch.

But the really amazing thing, as this brief conversation reveals, is that the [expletive]聽know they are [expletive]!

Which leads me to the ultimate solution for luring people back to the office, and I鈥檓 only going to say this once because I鈥檓 running out of bleeps.

Instead of imposing some complicated hybrid office schedule, just send out a memo announcing that everyone must come back to work except the [expletive].

And the problem should solve itself.

And yes, I realize only an [expletive] would send out a memo like that. But you do what you got to do.

Listen to Seattle鈥檚 Morning News with Dave Ross and Colleen O鈥橞rien weekday mornings from 5 鈥� 9 a.m. on 成人X站 Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the聽podcast here.