Ross: How to keep your Thanksgiving peaceful this year
Nov 23, 2022, 3:01 PM | Updated: Nov 25, 2022, 10:50 am
Dave Ross hopes your Thanksgiving dinner is peaceful...at least this year. (Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)
(Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)
I know that traditionally Americans define Thanksgiving as a holiday to remind us all why we moved away from our relatives.
But it doesn鈥檛 have to be that way…as long as you prepare properly.
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So I have some advice, and it鈥檚 in rhyme — to make it easier to remember:
The secret to living through this year鈥檚 Thanksgiving
To insure that your meal is amazing
Is to do what it takes to avoid dumb mistakes
Even though you might go slightly crazy.
For we live in an age when nutrition鈥檚 the rage
And nobody has the same diet鈥�
So the food that you get them must suit their digestion
And YOUR job鈥檚 to go out and buy it.
Megan鈥檚 a vegan and Frank is organic
And Carly eats kale 鈥榯il it hurts
And Geoffrey hates gluten as if it were Putin
And Paul wants to vape for dessert鈥�
Doug won鈥檛 eat dairy, he finds cows too scary
You name a disease and he鈥檚 got it.
Chris is cage-free, so his turkey must be
Free to roam 鈥榯il the moment they shot it.
But one last preparation for such an occasion
Is crucial before your guests eat.
The people invited should all be divided鈥�
According to with whom they Tweet.
That鈥檒l head off discussions that lead to concussions
And once everyone鈥檚 in their chair
Take the wine cups and fill them, then drink like a Pilgrim
And pretty soon no one will care.
No, there鈥檚 nothing like turkey, and wine when you鈥檙e thirsty
And gravy without any lumps
Just pay close attention that during this session
That nobody mentions the T**mps!
If they do, try this ruse the professionals use
To keep peace at this annual meeting鈥�
It鈥檚 hard to get rude with a mouthful of food
So whatever you do, keep them EATING.
