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Ever since my Jibo desktop robot passed away due to a bad case of competition, I’ve been looking for another computer to be my forever friend.

I saw , which is a smart speaker with a screen (and of course voice recognition) that’s designed to live on your nightstand.

It also has a tiny radar chip so it can sense your arm movements. You can control music, radio stations, and your snooze alarm just by a wave of the hand. It’s so precise that it can also track your heart rate, count your breaths, record every cough, snore, wheeze, and sniffle so that in the morning you can ask, “Hey Google, how’d I sleep?” and it tells you in a soothing voice, illustrated by colorful bubble charts on the display screen.

It’s like living in a sleep clinic.

I know many of you are saying, “Dave, I got that service for free when I got married.” And yes, it’s true sleeping partners usually come equipped their own radar chip, programmed to activate a real-time podiatric stimulus to the butt.

However, that service is rarely accompanied by a soothing voice. It also doesn’t wait until morning. So, the solution there is to get a second Nest Hub to track your partner and then the machines can just fight it out to decide who’s guilty.

Just an idea for your stimulus money.

I will probably hold out for the third generation Nest Hub, which I expect will not just display your sleep report but a fully produced trailer of your dreams that you can post straight to Facebook. Because we’re not sharing nearly enough personal information.

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