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Last week, Democrats in the state Legislature killed a bill that would have redefined theft to include 鈥渃oncealing property of another, intending [to] deprive the other person of its use or benefit.鈥�

In other words — stuffing merchandise in your pockets so you can sneak out without paying.

Unless you include that in the definition of theft, a security guard 鈥� or I guess I should say a loss prevention associate 鈥� can鈥檛 go after you until you leave the store.

Now, true, the loss prevention associate is not聽entirely powerless 鈥� if you hold the merchandise out in the open, and start yelling, 鈥渉a, ha, I鈥檓 stealing this,鈥� presumably they could at least request that you return the items.

But if that doesn鈥檛 work, all that鈥檚 left is the security camera. And if you鈥檝e seen any security photos lately 鈥� let’s face it 鈥� they look like they came straight out of the UFO file.

As one blogger put it, we have a crime wave being masterminded by Fuzzy Blob people. Maybe that explains their alienation.

I鈥檝e seen many excuses for why security photos are so terrible 鈥� security systems are outdated, each camera has to cover a wide area 鈥� but please! It鈥檚 2022. We have pictures of stars five billion light years from Earth; we should be able to cover the handbag department.

So, before all the small businesses have to move out of downtown Seattle, we ought to do something. Here鈥檚 an idea: When the TSA swaps out the airport body scanners, donate them to small businesses.

Then, everybody who leaves the store stands on the shoe prints 鈥� arms overhead — the door opens, and they leave.

Unless the scanner detects a Gucci handbag stuffed into the person鈥檚 underpants, then the door to the street doesn’t open, and a trap door drops the person into a basement holding cell.

That last part might be over the top, but I want to keep traffic moving.

And if stores are not willing to go that far, at least get better security cameras. Which brings me to my latest incentive idea: Any time a store security camera successfully nails a thief, the store gets $5,000. That’s about what it costs to install a state-of-the-art 4k Ultra HD system that鈥檒l detect a neck tattoo at 50 feet.

If our society won鈥檛 go for that, I鈥檝e been reading up on how medieval churches used curses to keep people in line. Britain鈥檚 Norwich Cathedral, for example, that would bring God’s wrath down on would-be thieves and malcontents.

Of course, simply updating the law would be easier than any of this 鈥� but until that happens, I鈥檒l keep looking for a solution.

By the way, all the people who were cursed by those inscriptions are no longer among us.

Listen to Seattle鈥檚 Morning News with Dave Ross and Colleen O鈥橞rien weekday mornings from 5 鈥� 9 a.m. on 成人X站 Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the聽podcast here.