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Fireworks are the quintessential symbol of American freedom this Fourth of July. I love Independence Day, but I must confess: I despise fireworks.

I hate fireworks, not because I鈥檓 some killjoy who hates fun. That’s undoubtedly true. But in this case, I hate fireworks because after the first 11 seconds, they鈥檙e about as thrilling as watching paint dry. They’re repetitive, loud and, ultimately, a colossal waste of time unless you’re under the age of 11.

Fireworks are mostly for children and people with the attention span of a gnat. Once you鈥檝e seen one explosion of glittering lights, you鈥檝e seen them all.聽They鈥檙e like the Michael Bay of holiday celebrations: all flash, no substance. It’s just the same plot over and over again with slightly different action sequences.

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How can I hate Fourth of July fireworks while also hating people who hate fireworks?

As much as I loathe these overblown sparklers, the people who complain about them are unbearable. And they’re ruining my hatred of fireworks because I fear I’ll be lumped in with them.

Every year, without fail, the same sanctimonious crusaders crawl out of the woodwork to hide their anti-American spirit behind claims of hating fireworks聽鈥� I hate fireworks, not America.

“Think of the veterans with PTSD!” they cry, as if every veteran is cowering under their bed at the mere hint of a firecracker. They’re not.

This isn鈥檛 to diminish PTSD, but the idea that these activists care about veterans is absurd — they are using veterans for their own anti-American crusade.

They just don’t like Independence Day because it celebrates a settler-colonial white supremacy culture — or whatever nonsense word salad they vomit from their face holes.

Then there鈥檚 the environmental warriors, clutching their pearls over the supposed pollution.

I鈥檓 sorry, but have you seen the state of our cities? You can鈥檛 walk a block without stepping over a tin foil used to smoke fentanyl or dodging a pile of human waste. But sure, feign concern over the minuscule amount of pollution from fireworks.

It鈥檚 like worrying about a splinter while you鈥檙e bleeding out from a gunshot wound. I’d tell these people to prioritize but they’re not interested in that.

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We should all love Independence Day

I love Independence Day — even the movie; it actually holds up!

I love everything the Fourth of July stands for 鈥� the freedom, the barbecues, the sense of unity. It鈥檚 the one day where we can all come together to celebrate what makes this country great. Yet every year, I find myself torn between my disdain for the repetitive fireworks displays and my absolute revulsion for the whiners who use this holiday to push their anti-American agendas.

So, where does that leave me? Stuck in the middle, hating the fireworks, but hating the activists more.

They鈥檙e like two sides of the same irritating coin. One is a childish spectacle that loses its luster in mere seconds, and the other is a parade of virtue signalers who think they鈥檙e saving the world, one dampened celebration at a time.

I guess I hate fireworks haters more than fireworks this Fourth of July

In the end, I鈥檒l tolerate the fireworks. I鈥檒l roll my eyes, sigh deeply (which, honestly, is how I get through most days anyway), and endure the endless pops and booms.

But please — don鈥檛 lump me in with the killjoy activists who want to rain on everyone鈥檚 parade because of some ideological hatred of what we stand for. I鈥檇 rather be bored to tears by fireworks than be associated with those sanctimonious zealots.

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At least fireworks, for all their faults, are honest in their simplicity. They explode, they鈥檙e done and we move on.

The complainers? They鈥檙e the gift that keeps on giving, only I wish I could return them. I’ve got the receipts of their silly argument! But there’s a no-return policy.

Happy Independence Day, everyone.

Listen to 鈥淭he Jason Rantz Show鈥� on weekday afternoons from 3-7 p.m. on KTTH 770 AM (HD Radio 97.3 FM HD-Channel 3). Subscribe to the podcast here. Follow Jason on聽,听, and聽.