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Mother鈥檚 Day is right around the corner, and already my inbox is plastered with well-meaning corporate missives. I’m given the option to opt-out of their Mother’s Day-themed emails.

鈥淲e understand that Mother’s Day can be a hard time for some. Please let us know if you would like to opt out of Mother’s Day messages and offers by clicking below,” one business emailed me.

This is well-intentioned (and obviously not focused exclusively on children who lost parents). But businesses should stop offering the opt-out option for this reason. It’s not particularly healthy and it makes little sense.

Pain of losing a mother is real and must be addressed

The intent is to opt-out of messages around Mother’s Day because it could trigger strong feelings around loss. But the very opt-out email reminds you that the loss still hurts. And as more companies embrace this practice, you’ll be getting as many Mother’s Day opt-out emails than you will Mother’s Day sales messaging.

They offer you the magic 鈥淚鈥檓 devastated鈥� button鈥攁 digital confessional that somehow absolves them of sending yet another bulk marketing email about discounted roses. It鈥檚 the Men in Black neuralyzer trick, only backwards: instead of wiping your painful memory, it yanks it into the spotlight and forces you to stare and make it easier to (sort of) ignore your pain.

But you can鈥檛 shield yourself from every trigger. Nor, frankly, should you. Loss is undoubtedly painful but also inevitable. Shouldn’t we make it easier to cope and grieve, rather than avoid?

Wrestle with grief head-on

This is not a message to 鈥渏ust get over it.鈥� Grief doesn鈥檛 have an expiration date. But when you need to click a button to avoid a reminder, we鈥檝e officially outsourced coping to algorithms and checkboxes.

If an email about Mother鈥檚 Day is so unbearable, maybe it鈥檚 time to wrestle with the grief head-on. A therapist, a support group, even a long rant on your local talk radio host beats being on autopilot with an email filter. The culture of hyper-sensitivity would sooner banish Mother鈥檚 Day than ask people to confront the pain in healthier ways.

It’s not like someone can truly even ignore Mother’s Day messaging. An opt-out could give a false sense of security, only to get hit with a radio or television commercial promoting a Mother’s Day sale.

The inevitability of loss

I turned 29 for the 14th time recently, and suddenly death feels鈥� proximal.

Every about an 88-year-old hits different when your own half-century mark is in sight. It鈥檚 uncomfortable, depressing even. But here鈥檚 the silver lining: acknowledging mortality is part of living. If an email about Mother鈥檚 Day sends you into an orbit of despair, click the delete key鈥攏o special opt-out needed鈥攁nd then maybe pick up the phone. Call someone you love. Talk through the pain and sadness.

Life doesn鈥檛 come with a 鈥渄o not remind鈥� checkbox, and neither should grief.

So businesses, enough with the patronizing and unhealthy opt-out links. Sell your heated mugs, spa gift cards, or customizable socks and spare us the soul-searching button. After all, some things in life鈥攍ike losing your mother鈥攁re universal. How we handle it is on us and some people may need the push to better handle the grief.

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