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Please do not be that coworker who wears a Halloween costume to work. Why? Because you’re supposed to be an adult.

Don’t bolt into the office dressed like a giant banana or become an HR nightmare as some terrifying sexy nurse. What are you doing? Let me remind you 鈥� you鈥檙e a grown-up with a job, responsibilities, maybe even a retirement account. There are only so many ways to explain away dressing up as Elphaba from Wicked for the corporate meeting, and none of them say 鈥渟erious, competent professional.鈥� In fact, you’re screaming the exact opposite.

A Halloween costume has its place 鈥� at a party (unless you’re over the age of, let’s go with 32), while trick-or-treating with kids, or in a haunted house. But the second you walk through those office doors in full costume, it鈥檚 not Halloween anymore; it鈥檚 just Thursday. You know what I’d prefer not to find while walking into my third meeting of the morning? My boss dressed as Elsa, even if he has the figure to pull it off.

This is part one of 17 in a series excoriating fun.

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Don’t be听that one听dressed in a costume for Halloween at work. Please.

To my dismay, there’s听补濒飞补测蝉听at least one of “those” coworkers who come dressed up in an elaborate costume. I instinctively feel a desire to ignore someone seeking attention while I’m just trying to write a story, pop in the studio for a Fox News appearance, sign a few autographs and prep my radio show. The rest of us choose to dress like adults in the office … we’re just trying to make it to the weekend without having to unsee our accountant dressed as a unicorn. Trust me 鈥� no one asked for this.

And let鈥檚 talk about what this looks like to your boss or that client who swung by for a surprise meeting. You want them to take you seriously, right? Good luck with that when they鈥檙e trying to conduct business with a 鈥減irate鈥� who forgot to wash the Sharpie mustache off his face. The boss isn鈥檛 thinking, 鈥淲ow, John is so festive!鈥� They鈥檙e thinking, 鈥淒o I really want the person who鈥檚 dressed like a zombie handling our Q4 strategy?鈥� You鈥檙e basically telling everyone, 鈥淚鈥檓 not here to be taken seriously; I鈥檓 here to make sure everyone sees that I spent $59.99 at the Spirit Halloween pop-up shop in Queen Anne.鈥�

Then there are the coworkers who barely even half-commit 鈥� they just smear on some face paint, slap on a cat-ear headband, and think they鈥檙e good to go. Honestly, at that point, what are you doing? I’d rather you be the full-on annoying coworker in a costume. Either go full Stranger Things creature or come dressed like you normally would. A flimsy effort isn鈥檛 cute; it鈥檚 just confusing. No one鈥檚 going to give you an 鈥淎 for effort鈥� for your 8 a.m. cat makeup that already looks like it鈥檚 melting off by the time the Guy Benson Show airs on KTTH (weekdays noon to 3 p.m.).

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Don’t worry — we’re not canceling Halloween

Halloween costumes are kind of like karaoke. Fun? Sure (not to me, as I don’t enjoy fun). Entertaining with friends? Absolutely (I guess?). But there鈥檚 a very specific context that makes it appropriate. You wouldn鈥檛 walk into a big presentation, throw down a microphone, and belt out 鈥淢y Heart Will Go On.鈥� So why would you think strolling in as Beetlejuice is any different? Not every space needs a 鈥渇un鈥� version of you. Especially not work. And especially if you’re not fun to begin with.

I鈥檓 not saying Halloween is canceled. We’re just setting boundaries. I鈥檓 saying you should keep it where it belongs 鈥� outside the office. There鈥檚 something to be said for showing a little restraint, for not making your colleagues feel like they鈥檙e at a poorly planned costume party every October 31. It鈥檚 called professionalism. Save your inner werewolf for the Halloween party or the local bar where everyone鈥檚 expecting it. (Note: a Halloween-themed tie 尘补测听be appropriate. It should be screened prior to committing to it. Halloween colors are appropriate and encouraged because orange is underrated, unless it clashes with your skin tone.)

And as a compromise, how’s this: you may include one — but only one — Halloween pun in an email or memo.

Some people say wearing a Halloween costume to work is fun! But who likes … fun? Fun is overrated. Fun is for happy people. Who is happy anyway?

So, leave the “House of Dragons” costume at home, and remember: real adults don鈥檛 need a costume to scare people. The realization you didn’t start on a project due on Monday? That鈥檚 terrifying enough.

Listen to The Jason Rantz Show on weekday afternoons from 3-7 p.m. on KTTH 770 AM (HD Radio 97.3 FM HD-Channel 3). Subscribe to the听podcast here. Follow Jason Rantz on听听,听听and.