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I am so happy to be back in the ³ÉÈËXÕ¾ Radio studio after my ordeal from hell that was jury duty.

On Tuesday morning, I parked at the radio station at 7:30 a.m., took an Uber downtown, and had to wade through the mess of drugged-out homeless people surrounding the King County Courthouse. There were two Seattle cop cars facing in either direction. One guy was over the hood in handcuffs at 7:45 a.m., and there were others screaming maniacally.

I was going to do show prep, because I had a fantasy that I’d get kicked out by noon, but I soon realized that wasn’t going to happen.

I had never been in a courtroom in my life until Tuesday. I’d been called to jury duty, but I’d never actually been called into the courtroom.

For the first case of the day, there were 50 numbers. I was number 32. I thought, ‘Hey, that was O.J. Simpson’s number, so nothing has ever gone wrong for a number 32 in a courtroom.’

Urine, assaults have jurors avoiding King County Courthouse

They put 1-12 in the jury box. Then they briefly explained the case to us. There was an accident on I-5. A couple involved is suing the guy who caused the accident. The couple is also suing the state of Washington on the grounds that some WSDOT design contributed to the accident.

The plaintiff’s attorneys asked first if anyone couldn’t serve based on hardship. They got rid of 15 people right away — everyone had a sob story. Then they asked if anyone there could not be fair to them. I raised number 32, saying, “If you’re suing the state, you’re suing the taxpayers, and I have a real problem giving taxpayer money to you.” A couple of others — 24 and 28 — asked to be dismissed for similar reasons.

The plaintiff’s attorney turned to the judge and asked that 24, 28, and 32 be dismissed for cause. The judge told 24 and 28 that they were dismissed. Then the judge turned to 32 and said, “Denied.”

I was sure they were messing with me because of my radio show.

Then the guy representing the attorney general got up and asked if there was anyone who could not be fair to their side. My number 32 placard shot up in the air. It was one of four cards that went up. The guy asked numbers 1, 18, and 20 why they could not be fair to the state. He did not ask me.

Now, I figured, Bob Ferguson was getting his revenge for everything I’ve ever said about him on-air. I was the only one who raised a card who did not get asked.

Twenty minutes later, they asked another question. I raised my card — I was not about to let them get away with not calling on me. I said, “I want to go back about 20 minutes to when you asked me if I could be fair to the attorney general. I believe that Bob Ferguson is the most dangerous politician in our state’s history. There is no way I could be fair to the attorney general’s office.” I tried to make the attorneys on both sides hate me.

The guy just smiled at me. I am telling you, they were toying with me. The judge, the attorney general’s guy were all toying with me.

They told us the trial would likely last three weeks. I was already making plans for being off the air that long.

I swear, every second of this jury duty shenanigan was concocted to mess with me. If I had walked out of the courtroom, the judge probably would have said, “OK, you can all go, we’re all done here.” Maybe it was all a sham.

So finally, they asked the jury box if anyone could be unbiased. Four people left. There were 11 people ahead of me not in the jury box. Four got moved in. Then the jury box was full again. There were still seven ahead of me, so I felt safe.

Then the attorney general’s office said it would like to get rid of number 3. Number 3 got up and number 22 took his place. The attorney general’s office next requested to get rid of number 4. Number 25 took their place. Now there were only five people ahead of me. Then the plaintiff’s lawyer got rid of a few others, until there was no one left ahead of me. The guy in front of me had to go into the jury box. That is like going to prison for one month of your life — except it’s worse than prison, because you don’t get screamed at by homeless people on your way to and from prison.

Then I got up. The attorneys both stated they were fine with the jury as is. I burst into a smile. The judge at the other end of the courtroom said, “Boy, that was a close one for you.”

By the time this thing wrapped up, I was sweating so hard. I think the Uber guy didn’t want to pick me up. Then I hit bad traffic on the way home. When I took my blood pressure, it was through the roof. I had worked myself into a frenzy like you cannot believe.

I’m sure if I had gotten bumped into the jury box, they would have sent me out. The attorney general and WSDOT are two of my main targets. And the plaintiff’s attorney was going after the taxpayers. So both sides really should have hated me.

What a lot of theater they constructed. I’m sure Dow Constantine played some role in how this jury duty thing was put together. I guarantee you Bob Ferguson was part of it. They wanted me off the air for the rest of August.

I don’t know what I would’ve done. I might not have shown up to court. Then I would’ve gone to jail for being in contempt of court. And you know they would have kept me behind bars longer than Seattle’s prolific offenders.

Listen to the Dori Monson Show weekday afternoons from 12-3 p.m. on ³ÉÈËXÕ¾ Radio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.